I came from Germany to a wedding in Krusevac: When i gave them the envelope, i never felt so ashamed in my life

The editorial staff of Telegraf.rs recently sent a call to readers to send us their life confessions in order to "ease their soul" and, like on the forums, in comment on the published confession they could see what other people think of their choices and to exchange opinions. Our goal is to protect your identity if you do not want to bring it to everyone. Send us your confessions at redakcija@telegraf.rs.

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The confession of Radmila (53), who lives in Germany:

"When you live across the border, everyone thinks you're full with cash and that you are just spending around. It was so in the nineties, because then it was impossible to earn more than a few marks in Serbia at the time of the month, roughly, the people were crushed, and Western Europe as expensive as it was, was once again high level for countries in the Balkans. You came here with what's left over there, so you're the King. You're buying, you're buying gifts and everyone is happy.

And then you grow old. Someone gets sick, you spend money on your doctors, you try to make ends meet. My husband died, my son gambled almost all of it. We broke down as a family, and i remained to work by myself in the old days. 

My niece from Krusevac recently called me to a wedding. I told her that i would come. And i was ashamed, really, not to embarrass myself.

I brought 200 euros, i don't have more. Actually, i do, but i have to leave something aside, what will i do when i am weak, who knows what will i do tomorrow, and i really doubt that relatives i have now will rush over to treat and help me.

The wedding was nice, but as soon as i gave the envelope i saw eyes that are sparkling. Everybody looked at once rich cousin from Germany, in me, everybody expected me in grandiose style. 

But i didn't. And i wanted to. I wanted and i desired that, but life turned it all over.

Then we talked to the newlyweds what they got tomorrow, they said that its not important, but it was. Few times they pointed out that some poor cousins from Bosnia gave them 500 euros, how they got into debt, because they waited for the niece to get married for a long time. 

And there i was.

I was mad on myself. I wouldn't ruin myself if i set some more money aside for the wedding. I felt bad, because they love me and they always host me. And on the other hand, i have to leave something for me for God forbid...

Did i do the right thing? I don't know. I hope that there will be better times, so we can all treat each other, for all of us to have enough and not to thing about the content of the envelope. 

This way i had a feeling that i embarrassed myself, because they won't love me anymore in a month, but i wan't to give more to the youth, i want to help, i want money not to be an issue. Those are all just empty dreams..."

(Telegraf.co.uk)